1. I feel angry and frustrated. My mom and dad had me at 42 and 45, respectively, and I never felt deprived for it or like I had weirdly old parents. I am 39 years old. I can't imagine being in your position at such a young age, but I can say that we all are in this together. I definitely wasn't ready. The main reason is because i wanted to be a dad to my son that i didn't have. The pregnancy wasn’t planned and she even had an IUD to PLease make sure you answer them as well. Becoming a father has affected my life in that sense that I see more reason to get up in the morning. Once your hormones change your attitude towards being a father will change. First time father, just turned 51 with a 4 month old girl. I was holding her hand when we saw the pregnancy tests she took came back positive. Discussion. ago. 0livo. 5 still and my husband just had to do it regardless of the tantrums. May 26, 2021 · Photo by Szilvia Basso on Unsplash. becoming a father has made my life insanely boring and monotonous. 2. SlapHappyDude. We did try to become parents sooner during our mid-30s, but it was a journey and struggle to get to where we are. I don’t want to be. Unpopular opinion maybe, but I kind of liked being a single dad. So you have one at 45, you'll start paying for college at age 63 and maybe a wedding as early as 67 or finally out of the house at 70. There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home dad. Diapers, $20 big box, lasts about 2 weeks. I am not unhappy or ungrateful, just really depressed. Give up the idea of continuous hours of sleep, spell mom multiple feedings so she can sleep some, she needs to make milk. I feel like I would be a much better father now that I was then. But remember you get tomorrow to improve, to learn from your history, to make a true difference in a life! I am a 41 year old dad of a six and 11 mo old. So my girlfriend of 6 years just told me yesterday that she's pregnant, we see it as a blessing because of her severe PCOS but I am not in the financial position to raise one. ) For context, we moved cities earlier this year to be closer to my wife’s family in preparation of starting our own family. I will be 60 when the baby turns 20 years old. Until a few months ago I worked, my wife worked, our year old daughter went to daycare, and we made it work. Remember to have hobbies and interests for yourself. I have a 5 year old daughter and an almost 2 year old son. it's still alive! kinda. pdawes. If you're not ready for all the tasks and work associated with child raising, you're looking at not passing down good coping skills along with raising a kid in a home with marital strife, because ADHD or not, most people these days reasonably expect their partners to do half the housework and half the child care. I had 15 days off of work. Advice. Just spend time with them being their Dad. They just become angsty roommates lol. Once you're both ready, make points to spend time alone together. If you think she's the love of your life, you should go for it. 77 when his child becomes old enough to drink. Think about it like this: Assuming he has a child next year, at age 56, he will be 74 when his child graduates from high school. Award. I gave up drinking because of stomach issues. My son is 7 months old. There is no age threshold to be a loving dad! You may not be able to be as physically involved as a 26 year old, but that's one tiny part of parenting. For me, I knew I was going to do everything required of me to make life easy for my wife while she was recovering. It's going to be great, I promise. I don't even feel like I can fully look after myself, never mind a defenseless child who would completely rely on me for everything. It's a few reasons, but mainly I feel because being a step parent is one of the hardest, weirdest, unsatisfying roles you can take on as a human. • 2 yr. As a Dad, first consider the finances and time factor of raising a child by yourself. Also just became a dad yesterday, both parties families knew of course, though I just told my parents yesterday about it. I don't have the energy level I did twenty-five years ago (oh god my knees) but he gets the best version of me that's ever existed on every other level. Being a Dad is more than committing dollars to the kid. I am proud of you. TLDR: My son is a father at 15. Talk to your parents, and get a lawyer anyway. It will be much more rewarding, and all 3 of you will be better off for it. Advice Request. At LEAST 50-60% of the time my wife (SAHM) is talking about how… I'm only 21, I don't feel ready to be a dad. ADMIN MOD. Got the news today it looks like a girl. Robert De Niro becoming a dad at 79 is all the reminder I needed of why I'm childfree. Our relationship is stronger in some ways and scarred in others. Unemployed sometimes. Hearing the words, “it’s a girl!” made things a lot more real. The teen years, well, most teens don't want to be around their parents anymore. My life before fatherhood was full of action. Try greasing the groove on a couple exercises, like pushups, and then eliminate them from the full workout. The wife is pregnant with our first child. Girls (and women) need their Dad. Once they were at 3-1-1 (about 4-5 hours in) we called the hospital and jumped in an Uber. I wouldn't necessarily say that it's a dream of mine but I've always been told that I'm very good with kids and that I'd be a very good dad. when they were 2 years of age, we started to attempt to potty train him. Hello r/daddit. Met my wife a little later in life, we struggled for years to get pregnant but finally had an absolutely perfect little girl. There are a crap ton of self help books and groups out there. (i), you're an older dad at the school gates and sometimes this means mixing is a little harder than it should be, and (ii), you worry more about dying and leaving them when they're too young. Well she ended up pregnant. I think it’s going to be hard and I don’t envy you some of the difficult timing mismatches in your future but great parents come in all shapes and sizes and ages. Becoming a dad forced me to set hard boundaries, and prioritize what was most important at work. But yeah So you are leaving the kid fatherless at a much younger age. I acted very happy. Later on you'll both need a break but only one can do so at a time. For bedtime around 2 we decided to split 50/50 and just explained it’s dads turn tonight and I would leave. Yes, my generation plays video games. I feel so old to have a child at my age. It isn’t age specific. I love him with all of my heart. It's so sad Becoming a first time Dad at 27. Even the friends of mine who started having kids shortly after I did don't even call or invite us to get our Hi guys, i am becoming a dad in September. ;) I'm actually my dad's second youngest (my mom is his second marriage). He passed away at 67. You’re saying that regret of fatherhood is some internal struggle with your own mentality but your not considering external factors. Making sure your children are loved, cared for, and prepared to live a good life, and. My dad was 37 when I was born, 40 when my brother was born. By brother in law damn near died from this, so I'm glad you got out before it got worse. Give me a 50 year old who cares for 20 years than one that doesn't for 50 years. He was there, and we did stuff, but the emotional intelligence just wasn't there. Found out I'm going to be a Dad at 22. Mom gets to bond with the child in a way that Dad can never fully comprehend, no matter how hard he tries. A little context. I’m not mad I’m scared. Teach them to ride a bike. Not long after that, my daughter arrived. Long, tiring or rough days caused by work, stress, or anything else can instantly be cured by a smiling bundle of joy. Your husband can do gig work and you can consider trying this out with the new baby. When I am under stress, my mind is going 100 kilometers per hour. Yes, there are sleepless nights and yes I can't do all the things I used to, but its awesome. : r/daddit. The only question is, what kind of Dad will you try to be? Since you’ve already got the job, commit to doing the best you can with the tools you have. BE THEREfor the kid. I have two kids. Reply reply. She moved to a nearby town. Once that's said, play with the kid on their terms, but force yourself on the kid. I had my first this year at 32. Your life as you know it will drastically change forever. ARTICLE. If you want kids, try to have them younger, so you can experience life My dad was also 40 when I was born! I’m the second of four kids, so when my youngest sibling was born he was 44. I’d feel like I was not quite the same dad I would want to be. I actually became a first-time dad a couple of months shy of turning 50, and at 53 (at present I know the feeling. Working together makes it satisfying, awesome, easier, and creates a rhythm of co-operation where you both get respite to have free time. I’m (17m) scared about being a teen dad. There will be three dots in the upper right hand corner. You really can't top that: the more you learn, the better. What concerns me is out of the 47,000 people who saw this post, 50 who commented, you were the only person to respond the way you did. My parents had me at 40. 2-fold increased risk of pre-term birth. She job hopped a lot. Dr. It's the lifestyle that's killing me. Be patient. Read to him or her. The baby years are boring. r/Defranco is a sub for fans of Phil. I'm Autistic and my kids are Autistic--but not due to the age of parents (as some studies have Look after yourself, keep healthy and it's simply the best. 86 when his child turns 30. I go from being extremely optimistic to being extremely pessimistic. FunkNugget. Other. 9-fold The person you replied to is 100% correct that not a lot of people knew the answer in 1999, which is why it was the million dollar question. It felt like once I became a dad, none of my friends really call or want to get together anymore. They are my world. After my kid got life insurance which helped a lot. Any male could be a parent, it doesn’t mean they will be a father or dad. There is nothing wrong with being a dad who works out of the house. Congrats to you and your family and hope you can leverage this new life role in the same way! 3. There's only two downsides as far as I can see. I'm working part time at a pet store with basically no opportunity for promotion and I have no degree. I think us older guys have it easier because we can see that things like night feeding, teething, and all those difficult times are over in months. Anxiety about being a father. The moment I became a father, like the actual birth, I cried for two reasons: I knew in that moment everything I had to deal with growing up in poverty, I was going to work even harder than I was to ensure I broke the cycle. Mostly because of lack of sleep. But that’s in part because I’ve experienced being a dad one way and have a harder time imagining it any other way. Find a local dads group, etc. Q&A. Jan 17, 2019 · Turning 50 this year brought a whole new set of things for me to overthink. 5 month old boy to ever exist. Her parents already know and they took her to the doctor. When I was 18-25 and becoming my own man, I struggled not having a father figure and not being able to talk with him about his beliefs and having his guidance to help me figure out my beliefs. As awesome as everyone says having a kid is, it's better. 5. Then became less over time. Someone's 50's may be the best years of their life. She’d been strongly against the idea of having children and had birth control. I have known I will be a father for a month. My wife and I had talked about our options, and we both agreed that me staying home and being a full-time dad would be the most important thing for us, and it absolutely has been. Once the ice is broken and everyone knows who I am (the father, not an uncle or grandfather) then all is pretty normal. You wouldn’t know that you don’t like it until you’ve already become a father. The only downside was the cultural changes that come from being three generations apart. I’m the mom of a very attached daughter at 4. I worry that he’s gonna drop out of school and work full time to take care of his baby. Daycare depends on your location and it varies greatly, minimally $120 week, if you're in a big city it can be as much as $400 week (DC). Sometimes, bad dads can be the best teachers on what a good dad looks like. Losing my dad at 12 was super hard. I will say, becoming a father was instant, but building the bond took time. On old reddit, check the box which says "Show my flair on this subreddit. The first two-three months are the most difficult. FWIW my mom was 26 at the time I was born. The career is set up for the foreseeable future, and you have a steady, stable income, with plenty of vitality and years to give to the kids. I think men who wait until they're in their forties or fifties to have kids are weird. The same as Liar Liar, and Jim Carrey's over-the-top delivery was a glance into the life of a workaholic character's insane day from hell. Start a brokerage account for your kids the day they are born and put in like $20 every paycheck. I wouldn't trade this time with her for anything in the world. That says more about you than it does me. . She’ll be 21 weeks on Thursday. I got probably a few hundred dollars of support a year. I went to therapy before becoming a dad to help bc I have so much anxiety. Unless you bid anyone, sororities will love to get to know the newest house and won't have any prejudices about you. There’s good and bad no matter at which age. Take reasonable precautions and explore mindfullness, worked for me. And of course, you will fail as a dad and partner repeatly. with no luck. In fact, being a superdad means you're willing to admit you don't know everything, and are willing to seek help from others. 4. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. There is nothing wrong with being a mom who works out of the house. It is actually very physically demanding. I wouldn't give up on this woman only because you're 24. And that makes most people unhappy and inherently negative. In many cases being a father means not being there, working your ass off to Judged for being a young dad. That said, late 20's or early 30's after you and your partner have finished school is probably the sweet spot because your kid (s) will be adults by the time you are in your mid 50's. For example: When you go to the bathroom bust out 20 squats. First-time Dad at 50 here, my little guy is now 5 years old. Found out we’re having a girl at her anatomy scan last week. With that said, I would rather have a good dad who enjoyed being a father with me than after the fact. And, like I mentioned, Naruto doesn't have a dad. She told me exactly 20 minutes ago after I got out the shower. It might not be an issue for most people, but my mother did not make much of an attempt to understand my generation and was particularly stubborn about certain things. One of you may surface earlier than the other. . 47M subscribers in the AskReddit community. To become a parent, though, 55 is definitely old. Scared the shit out of him (rightfully) and he's been 100% sober almost a year and quite honestly, has so much more energy now, lost a bunch of weight, and just seems really happy. Old. I had a 50/50 dad. It means presenting the world to eyes who has never seen it before. I would not go back in no matter how much she cried. I am starting to get depressed because I have no one to hang out with anymore. I tend to be a worrier at the best of times. Hi, I’m new here and also just finishing up my first year of university. You'll never be "ready" for kids. At 45, I have a hard time keeping up with my teenager. Necessarily. I’m scared to be a dad. Being a dad is very challenging, if you want to be a good father and be there and be involved you have to be ready to sacrifice a lot. In the end, I let my bio dad walk me down the first half of the aisle to represent that he gave me my beginning in life, I then asked my step dad to meet us in the middle and walk me the rest of the way. Because I was the step-dad (the bio dad wasn't in the picture), there was a constant feeling of "I don't get to discipline the kid because I'm not the dad" going on that my then-wife didn't help. This can take a lot of forms and you can provide a back stop and emotional support but as their world grows so do their problems. Fighting makes parenting a hard, shitty, Herculean task with no feelings of reward. You're both in a rut, so you need to put your head down and bring your A game and step up. Prior to this, I loved them very much and would never wish to get rid of them. 314 votes, 85 comments. Then it's a matter of pairing that knowledge with the learned reality of other dads' experience. All the money in the world is not enough to liberate you from financial stress. I don’t know how to help my son. FWIW I do not highlight my age or age differences … if it comes up naturally, I will gladly share my age, experiences, pitfalls and pratfalls, etc. You should be spending much more time with your girlfriend one on one than you do as a 'family'. My dad is a computer expert and has been working on computers since the late 70s. BlueBat96. Toss a ball around. My dad was 55 when I was born. Movies that changed for me after becoming a father. He set up the building blocks, but I had to piece the rest together, and Date your wife. I'm 41. My child is 4 years old and they are a nightmare. Not saying it was easy, but our house was such a calm place with poolaccident. The main worry that I can't stop thinking about, is right now we live in a 1 bedroom flat where we're not allowed kids, I love where we live right now and we've only Fantastic experience if you like the idea of a brotherhood but not the greek culture or pledge process. Formula - $24/can, you can go through almost 2 a week. I mean, he was president from 1969-1974, which means you effectively had to be born in the 50's to have any meaningful recollection about Nixon or Laugh In. " On the official reddit iOS app, go to the main page of the subreddit. I think 50 is my personal hard cutoff, and then 40-45 is my latest preference. Let her fight you- take her anyway. My son was born 2 weeks before I turned 29 My spouse was a month from turning 26. Me and my GF have been talking about kids for years now and it's finally happened at the wrong time I was excited at first but now reality is kicking my ass. Bring the baby with you when do your workout to give your wife a break. Take care of her, so she can care all she can for the baby. But even assuming a perfectly healthy kid you are likely going to die by like 70. You enjoy the good times,cowboy up when things get trying, but you know they will pass. Story time! Well, Naruto was one of my (high school) students last year. Be willing to learn from your kids, they will teach you a lot. The awesome thing about it is that's what great dads do. Happened with my uncle, granddad, and dad. It's becoming harder to ignore that I need to make more money, but I feel so sluggish like I constantly have brain fog. Get the minivan, no joke they are super nice and really make the most sense. One of the biggest benefits is a clean slate at the university. We'll listen, and if you want, we'll talk. Then we moved across the country to be closer to family and so my wife could advance in her career and I stayed home with our daughter while things There's study that shows the more time you spend with your baby, and really being present with your baby, the more your hormones will physically change. Going to be a girl dad! Tips And Tricks. 6. "I love both of you a lot. I feel even more close to death for some reason. I’m going to be a dad soon. I am 20 years old and I’m going to be a father this January. I'll be honest, this is really just a rant. Idk if she lied or if this is a fluke or what. I can’t imagine trying to do the same in my 60s. Be fully invested in your kid’s life and commit to being the best dad possible. Most of the body weight stuff can be done in any lactation. I know at least in my family once dad's turn 45-50 they started getting more involved with their kids. Hook was a good fun fantasy movie about a grown-up Peter Pan. This is a place that beautiful bastards can meet and talk to one another, you can recommend stories for The Philip DeFranco Show, you can propose fun games for Phil to play with youtubers they have coming in to the studio, be a part of QnA's, community projects, and really whatever else we want. It gets really easy to fall into the trap of "you have the baby, I'll do the shopping" and "I have the baby, you make dinner". My dad was never around, then the parents got divorced, and to this day he gives most if not all his attention, affection etc. First off, the title of this piece is only slightly misleading. And yes they're still together, dad's actually healthier than her. I’m (26m) and my girlfriend of 7 years just told me she’s pregnant. Reply. RandomRedditRebel. We aim to keep this a safe space. Chances are, lawyers need to be involved and if you want to waive your and your family’s parental rights, doing it while you’re underage is the time to do it. Being scared is normal. Once you see that little face and hold them, your anxiety will ease and you will know everything will be alright. Become the cleaner of bottles and laundry, maintain the home so mom can focus on feeding and bonding with the baby. Being a father is a major life event no matter how old you are. I like that idea. Pay a babysitter if you have to. Okay, a brief Google search says that the age of consent is 16 in most Australian states, so you are both minors. Do some reading, too. It was an amazing moment. Whether you have a baby at 22 or 42, my take is, do the math. The rest of my advice is about being a dad in general. The only things that matter are. Maybe it’s the time of year talking, or just our specific circumstance, but I’m feeling particularly alone these days (or at least as much as you can while always being around a tiny human and the wife 24/7. Considering being a stay at home dad. When I was younger and childless, Mrs. I like being a dad because I used to go to Subway, order a sandwich, sit down, eat, and leave. It's weird that as kids we often know what a dad is supposed to be when ours might fall short. As long as you have love and the need to BeaverMartin. Simply put, I do not let it become an issue of concern. We'll call him Naruto (because I really like that show and Naruto also doesn't have a dad). my family (Italian) always instilled a strong work ethic. '. Add your thoughts and get the conversation going. Make a point of it. I'm so grateful I had mine at this age. On reddit redesign, go to "Community Options" in the "Community Details" box. So those 3-10 years, when a kid loves their dad and wants to spend time with them but can also articulate and make some decisions and be engaging is great for me as a dad. For me as a father of two young men is the ability to listen, one who guides but doesn’t point. Doubtfire was just a slapstick funny movie. now hes 4 going on 5 and still refuses to be Being a superdad doesn't mean that you know how to do everything. Do not become a father figure to this kid right now. this is a throw away account. Maybe sooner, maybe later. Young and you’ll actively play with your children and you’ll see them grow old themselves - grandchildren - great grandchildren. •. They slowly increased in length to about 45-60 seconds and 3 min apart. Both of us are in debt, my credit is shot with no savings and my fixed expenses that are about what I make monthly. I want to help out but at the same time, he has to take care of his son. You'll get plenty of tips, but my only suggestion is to make friends with other dads so you've got support. Men, why do we do things like this? Stop it with the: 'I'm a man, I can have kids whenever I want. You can have a child at age 16 or 84. 2 Learn to mother your child (take into consideration their needs and work with them rather than being a dad that doesn't know your kid and demands they conform to your expectations) 3 Help out, don't be a lazy prick around the house or with looking after the baby. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. There is no best time to become a parent. I was never depressed, but being a father means I have to do something each day. Here are the things I have been thinking about. The older your sperm, the more likely of health/mental issues and defects in the child. Financial security makes things much easier. Also threw some cash into college savings and a savings bond. Fatherhood is stressful and fatherhood is a job. 2K votes, 286 comments. When I was 35 my first son was born, I was ready to become a father, and the husband my wife deserved. I saw an article that said only 1% of first time fathers are over the age of 50 (hey, I'm finally in the 1% of something LOL) 1 Be flexible as a parent. Older and you likely have more time to spend with them when they are young. " Roman growled in his monster voice, "I loooove you tooooo, daaaaddyyyyy!" Adelai bit me which I considered a positive response. I won’t be that dad for my son. The first 3 months or so will be all about baby. They also became increasingly painful, and this is when I actually started to feel really bad because I could see how much they hurt. My girlfriend who I am in a relationship with for 5 yrs told me how she’s been feeling for weeks. The ideal dad age would likely be between 33 - 38 years old. Reply reply Late to become a mother but not a father. I’m almost halfway through college and I’m working towards my degree and hopefully a graduate degree. Turek pinpoints the following risks for men over 40 (with the risks sharpening as the decades pass): 2-fold increased risk of miscarriage. Try to do the same, or avoid it. If your son is happy in school I’d keep him there. I didn’t notice his age growing up except a couple times in grade school friends of mine accidentally said “your grandpa is here to pick you up!” (He went silver in his 30s so must have looked old in his 40s to my friends compared to their dads). To say I’m excited is a huge understatement. Studies have shown that the risk of mutation is higher when its a 50 year old father, but the odds of it being significant are rather low. 890K subscribers in the fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu community. My step dad never asked me about it because I still had a relationship with my bio dad, even though it was tenuous. He’s a responsible dad but he has no idea what he got himself into. When he does, he only talks about the step sister. You have a little soul that will depend on you for everything. Father of the most needy 4. I really need some advice, I’m stuck on what to do, I’m not ready for this but it feels like I have no choices OceanPoet87. And talk with the mother, specifically on how the relationship with kid is progressing. Nobody's responded to this post yet. I would have preferred to have been younger, but I’m happy I beat my parents who had me at 42 (mom) and 50 (dad). In that first year was seeing her kids one weekend a month. 11. The hardest part is when a child is struggling and you can't help them. Think about what your father did that you like. My only regret not having become parents sooner - not that it was entirely within our control - is this looming question of whether I will survive long enough to see Halfway through our meal together I was still smiling. The simple fact is; less men over 50 are having kids so the statistics sound much worse than they are. Here's what I have to tell you. It’s also something both parents should feel enthused about. I regret becoming a step father. They were too tired to play with me when I was a kid so all my memories of them from that age are sitting around. I'm 49 now. I'm going to pick a fake name and fudge some of the specific details purposefully to ensure this kiddo's privacy is protected. By the time they are 18 they’ll have a great start in the market. Hooray! I was a new dad at 50, and 52. If kids are in your future, just be the type of father you wish you could have had. It's 18 years until they leave for college and potentially 22 to 25 years before they're completely out and on their own. Being a stay at home parent is a lot of work as is household management if done well. He's an amazing little fellow and he's a joy to be around. Ultimately, that maturity led me to make more efficient decisions that has only improved my career options. I was telling everyone i don't mind what the gender is but secretly was hoping for a boy. On a related note, you'll have to remember who you are as an individual again. I became a dad almost two years ago now and I'm barely scrapping by on one income (with some small part time work from my wife who stays home during the day to watch baby). I can imagine adopting or fostering though. I’m now a dad at 18. As a father of only a 9mo old, yes. He is amazing programmer with 40 years of expertise but no one wants to hire him because he's in his 70s. To my adopted step sister, and rarely speaks to us (both biological daughters). Career Stagnation After Becoming Dad. My parents and her parents are extremely supportive even though we are very young. I had a FWB for about a year. rr mj df wf hg rv mi ti kj pm